• Beginner-Friendly - Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Steals and Three-Ways – and How to Do It Right

    January 7, 2022 - By 

    In many partner genres, steal dances and three-way dances (or more) are becoming more popular. In others, stealing has been part of the groundwork of the dance since its very inception. But, with this growing trend and with the adoption of dances outside their home culture, there are considerations of consent, agency, and culture that need to be discussed to be sure that everyone is happy to be stealing. What are Steal Dances and Three-Way Dances? A steal dance is when partners trade each other with others. For example, a birthday dance where different partners enter and take over leading/following…

  • Community Building - Etiquette - Health & Safety - Social Dancing

    Why Passive-Aggressive Feedback Doesn’t Work

    February 27, 2019 - By 

    Have you ever had an unpleasant dance? Maybe your partner squeezed your hand too hard. Maybe they were generally off-time and a bit rough. What did you do? Did you fix your face into an unsatisfied scowl to teach them a lesson? If you did, you have engaged in what I call passive-aggressive feedback. What is passive-aggressive feedback Passive-aggressive feedback is when a dancer uses body language (or, in extreme cases, even words) to indicate to their partner how unhappy they are with the present situation, but does not offer any constructive information as to what the issue is or…

  • Community Building - Congresses & Travel - Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Breaking the Dance Monkey and Dance Clique Cycle

    December 4, 2018 - By 

    A while ago, I wrote an article about the many reasons that professionals don’t always social dance. However, beyond that, there seems to be a fundamental disconnect both in how advanced dancers treat newer dancers, and the way that new dancers treat their dance idols. In many places, this has led to a strange dynamic where advanced dancers almost shun newer ones, while new ones create dance queues and demonize advanced dancers who are not super generous in their dances. As a social dancer in some styles and a professional in others, I’ve been on both sides of the divide.…

  • Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Are Social Dancers Mean?

    December 4, 2017 - By 

    Question: What do all the following scenarios have in common? A follow is encouraged to walk off the floor if their lead unintentionally executes something rough. The lead is also called an “idiot” by the advice-giver. An advanced dancer is told that they’re selfish for dancing several times with their favourite dance partner. A scene leader is told that they’re self-centered for not giving more to their community. A girl gets rejected for dances because she wore something “too revealing.” A lead gets excluded from a social dance competition because he’s not “devoted to dance enough” for a competition where follows vote…

  • Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    One Dance vs. Several: Which system is better?

    November 2, 2017 - By 

    Each dance has their own system and customs for dancing. Some dances have a pretty defined limit of one-song-per-partner, while in others you can spend an hour or more dancing with one person. Tango has the most defined example, with a Tanda (3-4 songs) being the ‘standard’. I spend the majority of my time dancing Brazilian Zouk, which has a pretty open, multi-song system in both North America and Europe. The ‘norm’ is 2-3 songs per partner in most places. One is still polite and acceptable – but so is dancing for over an hour. I’ve also gone to WCS events, where the general ‘rule’…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Dance-Touch vs. Non-Dance Touch

    September 14, 2017 - By 

    Touch is necessary for social dancing. Depending on your style of dance, it can be anything from an open handhold to full body contact. Those contact points may also change or evolve, and those connection points may ask for specific physical responses from a partner. These touches are a type of dance-touch. They’re how we communicate with each other, for the purposes of creating an interesting, fun, and safe dance. But, there’s another type: non-dance touch. Non-dance touch is any touch that you don’t feel is part of dancing. It can be sexual, or completely platonic. These are touches that don’t…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    10 things to (almost) never say on the dance floor

    July 18, 2017 - By 

    Most of us don’t do much talking while we dance. But, social dancing does require at least some verbal communication. In this list, we cover 10 things you should avoid saying to your dance partners. 1. “This is how you do ______.” Except for very limited circumstances, stopping a dance to explain a concept to your partner is inappropriate. Even if you are a teacher who knows what you’re saying is true, it’s still almost always inappropriate. Avoid floor teaching wherever possible and you’ll improve the dance experience for everyone involved!. 2. “Oh baby… you’re so sexy in my arms.”…

  • Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Why a ‘deep connection’ is sometimes seen as ‘sexual’

    July 13, 2017 - By 

    Some dance styles, like Kizomba, Brazilian Zouk, or Bachata, use a very close connection between the partners. These dances are often described as ‘sensual’ dances. For a few, they describe these dances as ‘sexual’. I understand why some people see it as sexual. Not too long ago, I was dancing with a lead who had a very intimate-feeling connection. It was intimate enough that I had to take a minute and decide whether or not he was asking for just a dance, or something more. This is after I’ve been dancing ‘sensual’ styles for over 7 years.  In this situation, the…

  • Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Why a kind ‘No’ is (usually) important

    June 6, 2017 - By 

    It’s been a while since I got a very hard, blunt ‘No’ from a dancer. This weekend, I got to re-experience one when I moved outside my normal genres. I approached a guy who was sitting next to the dance floor. I asked him to dance. He looked me dead in the eye and said “no.” Which is fine; he doesn’t owe me a dance. And, I have no reason to need an explanation for the ‘no’. But, the manner of this particular ‘no’ actually made me think it was sarcastic at first. He looked me dead in the eye with a scowl…

  • Community Building - Social Dancing

    Advanced dancers: Remember your superpower

    May 29, 2017 - By 

    If you identify as an advanced dancer, remember that with great power comes great responsibility. (Yes, that’s incredibly corny. No, I don’t regret it.) When you become an advanced dancer, the superpower you gain is your awesome dance skills. You can use those skills to further your own pleasure and gain by holding them back from the newer dancers below you. Or, you can give those skills freely to the new dancers waiting to be inspired. “Waiting” to be inspired I say waiting to be inspired for a very specific reason: most newer dancers aren’t actually “inspired” by the dance…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    The Cologne Problem

    May 10, 2017 - By 

    Recently, a gracious leader asked me to dance. We got into close hold, and the connection was lovely. But, within 3 seconds in close hold, I had to walk away from the dance. He was wearing so much cologne that I could feel my throat swelling and eyes start to water. So, after a few moment, I pulled away from the embrace and told him the problem that I was having. It felt terrible to leave the dance, but for my health, I had to. As someone with a sensitive respiratory system, heavy scents can ruin a night for me. This is ironic, since…

  • Congresses & Travel - Etiquette

    Be a Better Congress Roommate

    March 7, 2017 - By 

    When most of us go to a dance weekend, we end up in a shared hotel room. It’s hard enough to share close quarters (or even a bed) with people you know and like. It can be worse to try to deal with the annoyances brought on by a stranger. But, there are some things you can do to make sure you (and your roommates) don’t want to strangle each other by the end of the weekend. Make your own life easier Understand their expectations One of the biggest lessons I learned about roommates was to manage expectations before the…

  • Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Guest Article: A Plea for Verbal Communication

    February 6, 2017 - By 

    “Words are inadequate, this is why we dance” – Unknown Ah, partner dancing: the communication between two bodies to music. It transcends the individual and words. I really dislike talking while dancing. It prevents me from hearing the music and takes me out of the moment. I don’t even really like talking before or after dancing. Those 10-second chit-chats in between dances drain my energy. I’d much rather have a deep conversation with two friends over dinner than talk about the next workshop before the next dance starts. Even so, I’m here to encourage you to talk more. I think…

  • Leading - Social Dancing

    The Anatomy of a Social Dance-Acceptable Lift

    January 9, 2017 - By 

    The idea that lifts shouldn’t be done on the social floor is well-known. I agree with this, the vast majority of the time. But, every time we mention that it’s a no-no, there’s some lead out there who knows this one person follows are happy being lifted by. And, they want to do it too. So, let’s go through all the things a leader must do in order to lift someone on the social floor in an acceptable way. If even one of these pieces is missing, you are not in a position to do lifts in a social dance-acceptable way. You may be…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette

    Dancers: Manage Your Package

    January 5, 2017 - By 

    This past weekend, I was having an enjoyable dance with a guy. The dance was smooth and relatively connected.  He moved into a closer hold, and the dance suddenly became distinctly unenjoyable for one reason: His erect penis was on my leg. Unintentional Encounters Most people aren’t trying to rub themselves on us. For those with a penis, there’s a dangly bit there, and sometimes it gets in the way. However, it is the responsibility of the penis owner to manage their bits to keep their partner feeling comfortable. And yes, it’s natural in some dances and positions to feel…