• Community Building - Etiquette - Health & Safety - Social Dancing

    Why Passive-Aggressive Feedback Doesn’t Work

    February 27, 2019 - By 

    Have you ever had an unpleasant dance? Maybe your partner squeezed your hand too hard. Maybe they were generally off-time and a bit rough. What did you do? Did you fix your face into an unsatisfied scowl to teach them a lesson? If you did, you have engaged in what I call passive-aggressive feedback. What is passive-aggressive feedback Passive-aggressive feedback is when a dancer uses body language (or, in extreme cases, even words) to indicate to their partner how unhappy they are with the present situation, but does not offer any constructive information as to what the issue is or…

  • Community Building - Congresses & Travel - Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Breaking the Dance Monkey and Dance Clique Cycle

    December 4, 2018 - By 

    A while ago, I wrote an article about the many reasons that professionals don’t always social dance. However, beyond that, there seems to be a fundamental disconnect both in how advanced dancers treat newer dancers, and the way that new dancers treat their dance idols. In many places, this has led to a strange dynamic where advanced dancers almost shun newer ones, while new ones create dance queues and demonize advanced dancers who are not super generous in their dances. As a social dancer in some styles and a professional in others, I’ve been on both sides of the divide.…

  • Dance Discussions - Following - Social Dancing

    In Support of Follow Empowerment

    October 18, 2018 - By 

    Over time, dance communities are moving towards a greater focus on follower empowerment. We are becoming more aware of the value followers bring to a dance, and the need to teach to both followers and leaders. But, some people are still a little bit foggy on what follower empowerment is. What follower empowerment is not As we explore what follower empowerment is, we need to remember that it is not about making followers more important than the leader, or insinuating that leaders are the bad guys. Rather, by giving more weight to the responsibilities and importance of the follower role, it actually reduces the…

  • Community Building - Dance Discussions - Health & Safety - Social Dancing

    Dance Predators

    August 31, 2018 - By 

    In social dance, we often exist in a bliss bubble. We are used to physical touch and trusting those around us. But, these conditions also make it easy for people who are predators to manipulate or prey on us, our friends, and community members. More often than not, the first allegation against someone won’t get a lot of traction unless there is substantial proof. But, in most cases, predators don’t commit a one-off assault. Rather, there’s a pattern of behaviour. One person may have experienced dance floor groping; another may have been kissed by force. Then, you may find out…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Why some partners won’t tell you when you’re making them uncomfortable

    December 15, 2017 - By 

    I have always advocated strongly for dancers to speak up when something hurts, or when they’re uncomfortable. I still think it’s very important for dancers to learn how to use their voice. But, part of understanding our current social dance culture is also understanding that some people are not yet confident enough to speak up. No “Blame” (Usually) While we don’t like to think about it, sometimes we might be the person who made someone uncomfortable. There are very few (if any) people who actively want to make their partner uncomfortable. Most of us strive for the opposite. And, one of…

  • Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Why a ‘deep connection’ is sometimes seen as ‘sexual’

    July 13, 2017 - By 

    Some dance styles, like Kizomba, Brazilian Zouk, or Bachata, use a very close connection between the partners. These dances are often described as ‘sensual’ dances. For a few, they describe these dances as ‘sexual’. I understand why some people see it as sexual. Not too long ago, I was dancing with a lead who had a very intimate-feeling connection. It was intimate enough that I had to take a minute and decide whether or not he was asking for just a dance, or something more. This is after I’ve been dancing ‘sensual’ styles for over 7 years.  In this situation, the…

  • Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Why a kind ‘No’ is (usually) important

    June 6, 2017 - By 

    It’s been a while since I got a very hard, blunt ‘No’ from a dancer. This weekend, I got to re-experience one when I moved outside my normal genres. I approached a guy who was sitting next to the dance floor. I asked him to dance. He looked me dead in the eye and said “no.” Which is fine; he doesn’t owe me a dance. And, I have no reason to need an explanation for the ‘no’. But, the manner of this particular ‘no’ actually made me think it was sarcastic at first. He looked me dead in the eye with a scowl…

  • Fun Stuff - Social Dancing

    The 7 Deadly Dancer Sins

    April 4, 2017 - By 

    In many Western cultures, the idea of the 7 Deadly Sins is a common way we frame undesirable attributes. They capture habits that are easy to fall into – but may create havoc in our personal or professional lives. In dance, we have our own ‘Sins’ that can sabotage our dance experience. Some of them are primarily interpersonal problems; they affect our relationships and reputation. Others are primarily personal; they affect our own internal experience – and can even cause us to leave dance forever. Lust The dance sin of Lust is using social dancing solely as a mechanism to make…

  • Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Guest Article: A Plea for Verbal Communication

    February 6, 2017 - By 

    “Words are inadequate, this is why we dance” – Unknown Ah, partner dancing: the communication between two bodies to music. It transcends the individual and words. I really dislike talking while dancing. It prevents me from hearing the music and takes me out of the moment. I don’t even really like talking before or after dancing. Those 10-second chit-chats in between dances drain my energy. I’d much rather have a deep conversation with two friends over dinner than talk about the next workshop before the next dance starts. Even so, I’m here to encourage you to talk more. I think…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette - Inspirational - Social Dancing

    Dear Beginner: This is why they told you ‘No’

    April 8, 2016 - By 

    Dear Beginner, I’m so happy you decided to social dance. I’m so happy that you’ve decided that this magnificent world has caught your interest – and I hope it holds it. You’re going to meet many, many amazing people, have fantastic nights, and perhaps even travel to unbelievable events. But you’re also going to be told ‘No’.