All about the "Social" part of Dancing
I want to tell you a true story. It’s the story of a woman who said no to a man when he asked her for a dance. She had never met him before, and didn’t want to dance with him at that time. The man was a bit hurt. He felt he had been judged prematurely. He felt that he had been looked up and down, and declined because he didn’t ‘look’ like a good dancer. He decided to never ask the follow to dance again.
We all know that teaching on the dance floor is not a nice thing to do. But, what about asking your partner to change a particular thing when they do something you don’t like during a social dance?
Dear Beginner, I’m so happy you decided to social dance. I’m so happy that you’ve decided that this magnificent world has caught your interest – and I hope it holds it. You’re going to meet many, many amazing people, have fantastic nights, and perhaps even travel to unbelievable events. But you’re also going to be told ‘No’.
“Social Dancer” can mean many things in dance-lingo. It can mean someone who is serious about learning improvised lead-follow dancing. It can means someone who is welcoming to beginners. It also sometimes gets used to describe non-serious dancers who view the dancefloor as a ‘social’ activity to have fun. These are the people who know a couple basic moves, and don’t really have any desire to learn more or take more classes (sometimes, even any at all!)
What if I told you that you have the power to make someone’s night awesome at nearly every social you attend? Well, this is me telling you: Yes, you can. At every single event or social you attend, you have the power to make someone’s night amazing. You have the power to turn someone’s experience into something wonderful. You have the power to help someone turn an ‘off’ night into an ‘on’ night.
When you receive a selfless dance, it is magical. It can make you feel like you are on top of the world. At a minimum, it makes you feel happy and peaceful. It can lift your spirits or mend your mood, because the selfless dance is exactly what you needed in that moment. It can rescue your mood after a bad dance. It can make you forget about your daytime troubles. It can create a magical memory to take home. It can make you fall in love with the dance. But, the Selfless Dance should not be about you.
“I can tell exactly how my partner dances in the first 5 seconds” I’ve said it before. I know I’m not the only one; this is a pretty common idea in the social dance world. I’ve even written about how critical those first 5 seconds can be for understanding how to compensate for your partner.
I’ve seen a lot on Facebook for months about ‘dance queues’, where follows (or leads, in some situations) line up for a particular pro. Sometimes, these lines can be as long as 20 or more dancers… or basically, around an hour wait time. Usually, this happens when there’s a big lead/follow imbalance at a big event – but not always. It’s also *usually* female follows waiting for a big-name male lead.
How do we know if someone wants to dance? Luckily for us, there are a few behaviors that are dead giveaways that someone is looking to dance. This doesn’t necessarily guarantee that they’ll say yes – but it certainly improves the odds!
Have someone recently told you that you’re their favourite dancer at a congress? Maybe they told you that your dances made their weekend complete? If ‘Yes’, congratulations! That is a very rare and special occasion. Enjoy the good feelings! If your answer is ‘No’, this article is for you.
A week or two ago, we looked at what follows really want from leads… now it’s time to look at the other side of the equation: What do leads really want from follows? Do they want the follow who looks good, is super-strong, and super-flexible… or do they want a dancer who connects through everything?
Note: Drinking can be a problem for both leads and follows at congresses or events. This article is written from the perspective of a follow, but should be applied equally to both leads AND follows. Congresses are fun. Many are fun not only for dancing, but for partying with friends. At these parties, some people tend to drink a lot. Some of the people that drink think that it makes them a better dancer. It doesn’t. Maybe 1 or 2 drinks makes you more ‘creative’ and less inhibited; 5 or 6 do not. As for 10+, deeeefinitely not.
“Well, if she could ACTUALLY follow, then…” “He didn’t give me what I wanted. So, I let him know that.” “God, she’s always off time. It’s impossible to dance with her.” “He’s so boring. Can’t he just do something interesting once in a while?” “I didn’t have any good dances because my partners sucked.” “I lost that competition because my partner messed up.” I’ve heard just about every iteration of these thoughts from social dancers. Some more often than others. But, should we be saying these things?
Every time I write an article on taking care of your partner on the dancefloor, I get a response that goes something like this: “When I dance with a lady, I take care of her. It is a man’s job to take care of a lady, because she is the fairer sex. On a dance floor, I must therefore make her safe and comfortable, because I am responsible for protecting this fragile gender.”
I remember my first-ever Jack n’ Jill competition in West Coast Swing. I was competing in Newcomer, but I had several years of dance experience before WCS. So, I had an ‘advantage’ over some of the people in the category. I ended up making it to finals. I drew this sweet, older gentleman as a partner. He was very, very nervous. We competed, and in the end I think we came 5th. Not shabby. Then, after the results, he came up to me and apologized for drawing me in competition. I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was something along the…