All about the "Social" part of Dancing
The dance community has been having some very important discussions lately. We’ve been having discussions around consent and assault. Taking about sexism and sexual aggression. Having conversations on homophobia and racism. Debating about cultural appropriation and honoring the roots of dances. Invariably, there are a couple types of overreactions.
I hate to break it to you, but this post isn’t going to be where I give you a magic formula that works with every partner. There’s no universal ‘great dance’ formula. However, every social dancer has their own personal ‘great dance’ formula.
Do any of these phrases sound familiar? “I’m heavy, so people won’t dance with me – even though I’m an awesome dancer.” “If I was younger, people would dance with me more.” “They’re only dancing with her because she’s hot. She can’t dance.” “If she wasn’t a dance snob, she’d like dancing with me.” “She only dances with super-flashy, ‘advanced’ dancers. She has no appreciation of my solid basics!’ “I’m a beginner, so no one will dance with me because I’m not good enough.”
Dear 1-Year Dancer, I’m glad you’ve been with us a year. I’m so happy you’ve been contributing to this wonderful community for a full 12 months. We may need to have a talk soon.
Ask almost any dancer, and they’ll tell you that there are some KILLER habits that have nothing to do with your actual ability to dance. When I say ‘killer’, I don’t mean super-cool; I mean they will kill your desirability as a dance partner. For some people, these things are obvious. Others have (somehow) avoided hearing about these tricks. Last, there are those who know the tricks and think they’re doing OK – but in actuality are the worst offenders.
Hands are magical. They’re one of the most sensitive parts of the human body, and can even feel large microscopic molecules on a flat surface. We also generally rely pretty heavily on the hands for social dancing. Of course, it is possible to not use the hands in social dancing – but it is difficult. But, there are things that your hands can do in social dancing that you may not think about regularly.
I want you to imagine an absolute beginners walking into their first dance social. They see all these people moving together on the floor – nothing like what they’ve seen at a dance club. Their first impulse? “Wow! Everyone here is an amazing dancer!” Meanwhile, their advanced dancer buddy may look at the room and think how wrong that beginner is. To them, out of the 40 dancers in the room, at least 20 of them aren’t good partners.
There are two truths I’ve learned in both dance and life about relating to people: Being assertive about your needs, wants, and rights is important; and, Being kind, polite and respectful is one of the best ways to deal with people. Several dance communities have recently been having a very important discussion of the role of consent, personal space, and our ‘rights’ as dancers. This is a long-overdue discussion – but I want to highlight one risk we run in our quest for assertiveness: We run the risk of becoming unnecessarily mean or rude.
Have you ever eaten (or even seen) an Oreo cookie? Two chocolate wafers, containing a glorious cream frosting in the center. Some people eat them as a sandwich; some take them apart to simply eat the cream. When you social dance, I want you to think about Oreo cookies.
Social Dancing: the perfect space for safe, physical contact with partners. The place where it’s OK to be super close to your partner, with no romantic or sexual inclinations. For most people who have been social dancing for a long time, the close, physical contact between dance partners can feel like a very natural space. In some dances, that closeness even becomes a symbol of the magnificent ‘great connection‘ we are always chasing.
It’s time to dispel some myths about partner dancing. I’ve covered some before, like the idea of learning by social dancing or the idea of right and wrong. But, that’s far from the only misconception or myth that exists about social dancing! Some are actively encouraged, and others are just ‘understandings’ people have when they enter the scene.
Have you ever felt like your leading is a bit ‘boring’ and is stuck on autopilot? Do you default to the same movement set, regardless of music? Follows, do you ever find yourself just ‘going through the motions’ on a step? If this sounds like you, you may be dancing on default.
When I started dancing, I really wanted to move my body. I saw advanced dancers moving effortlessly around the floor, and I emulated them. So, when I went to class, I moved my body. A lot. I took giant steps. I flung my hair around as much as I could. I stuck my arms out all the time. I tried really hard to make my hips move on every step. In general, I was over-dancing.
Have you ever intentionally hurt or made someone uncomfortable while you were social dancing? (No? That’s what I thought) Now the trickier one… have you ever felt like someone intentionally hurt or made YOU uncomfortable while you were social dancing with them? What about, while not intentional, negligence (a lack of care) was responsible for the injury?
The Fun Partners: people who are always a joy to social dance with. They bring light to their partner’s eyes, and make every song a joy. But, what is it about these people who make them so much fun?