• Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette - Following - Social Dancing

    Followers: Are you maximizing your great dances?

    September 14, 2022 - By 

    Followers, have you ever had a mediocre dance night? What about nights that needed to have a really great dance with a really great lead to get back on track, or nights with “not enough (good) leads”? What if there were a way to maximize how many good dances you had from the available pool of leaders? A Leader’s Perspective As an ambidanceterous person (I both lead and follow), I can tell you that the way a follow interacts with me has a massive impact on whether the dance goes well. For example, I have had top-level follows who came to the…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Steals and Three-Ways – and How to Do It Right

    January 7, 2022 - By 

    In many partner genres, steal dances and three-way dances (or more) are becoming more popular. In others, stealing has been part of the groundwork of the dance since its very inception. But, with this growing trend and with the adoption of dances outside their home culture, there are considerations of consent, agency, and culture that need to be discussed to be sure that everyone is happy to be stealing. What are Steal Dances and Three-Way Dances? A steal dance is when partners trade each other with others. For example, a birthday dance where different partners enter and take over leading/following…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Community Building - Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Health & Safety - Inspirational - Inspirational Stories - Social Dancing - Workshops & Classes

    10 Things I Learned in 10 Years of Dance

    September 26, 2019 - By 

    I turn 30 today. I started dancing when I was almost 20 (except for the ballet class I got kicked out of at age 5). That means that I’ve been dancing just over 10 years. From my infancy in Salsa to my current status as a Brazilian Zouk organizer and teacher, it’s been a long journey. In those 10 years, my dancing, my role, and my outlook has changed and evolved. Things I used to think were clear are shades of grey. This blog (started in 2013? 14?) is a living testament to that; my first few posts are very,…

  • Community Building - Etiquette - Health & Safety - Social Dancing

    Why Passive-Aggressive Feedback Doesn’t Work

    February 27, 2019 - By 

    Have you ever had an unpleasant dance? Maybe your partner squeezed your hand too hard. Maybe they were generally off-time and a bit rough. What did you do? Did you fix your face into an unsatisfied scowl to teach them a lesson? If you did, you have engaged in what I call passive-aggressive feedback. What is passive-aggressive feedback Passive-aggressive feedback is when a dancer uses body language (or, in extreme cases, even words) to indicate to their partner how unhappy they are with the present situation, but does not offer any constructive information as to what the issue is or…

  • Community Building - Congresses & Travel - Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Breaking the Dance Monkey and Dance Clique Cycle

    December 4, 2018 - By 

    A while ago, I wrote an article about the many reasons that professionals don’t always social dance. However, beyond that, there seems to be a fundamental disconnect both in how advanced dancers treat newer dancers, and the way that new dancers treat their dance idols. In many places, this has led to a strange dynamic where advanced dancers almost shun newer ones, while new ones create dance queues and demonize advanced dancers who are not super generous in their dances. As a social dancer in some styles and a professional in others, I’ve been on both sides of the divide.…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Why some partners won’t tell you when you’re making them uncomfortable

    December 15, 2017 - By 

    I have always advocated strongly for dancers to speak up when something hurts, or when they’re uncomfortable. I still think it’s very important for dancers to learn how to use their voice. But, part of understanding our current social dance culture is also understanding that some people are not yet confident enough to speak up. No “Blame” (Usually) While we don’t like to think about it, sometimes we might be the person who made someone uncomfortable. There are very few (if any) people who actively want to make their partner uncomfortable. Most of us strive for the opposite. And, one of…

  • Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Are Social Dancers Mean?

    December 4, 2017 - By 

    Question: What do all the following scenarios have in common? A follow is encouraged to walk off the floor if their lead unintentionally executes something rough. The lead is also called an “idiot” by the advice-giver. An advanced dancer is told that they’re selfish for dancing several times with their favourite dance partner. A scene leader is told that they’re self-centered for not giving more to their community. A girl gets rejected for dances because she wore something “too revealing.” A lead gets excluded from a social dance competition because he’s not “devoted to dance enough” for a competition where follows vote…

  • Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    One Dance vs. Several: Which system is better?

    November 2, 2017 - By 

    Each dance has their own system and customs for dancing. Some dances have a pretty defined limit of one-song-per-partner, while in others you can spend an hour or more dancing with one person. Tango has the most defined example, with a Tanda (3-4 songs) being the ‘standard’. I spend the majority of my time dancing Brazilian Zouk, which has a pretty open, multi-song system in both North America and Europe. The ‘norm’ is 2-3 songs per partner in most places. One is still polite and acceptable – but so is dancing for over an hour. I’ve also gone to WCS events, where the general ‘rule’…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Dance-Touch vs. Non-Dance Touch

    September 14, 2017 - By 

    Touch is necessary for social dancing. Depending on your style of dance, it can be anything from an open handhold to full body contact. Those contact points may also change or evolve, and those connection points may ask for specific physical responses from a partner. These touches are a type of dance-touch. They’re how we communicate with each other, for the purposes of creating an interesting, fun, and safe dance. But, there’s another type: non-dance touch. Non-dance touch is any touch that you don’t feel is part of dancing. It can be sexual, or completely platonic. These are touches that don’t…

  • Congresses & Travel - Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    The Ethics of Paying for Dances

    August 1, 2017 - By 

    We are used to paying cover to go social dancing, but for many people the concept of ‘paying for dances’ is both foreign and alarming. It is usually men who are ‘paid’ as a partner, and women who are paying. And, the practice is more frequent at large events than small socials. Paying for dances comes in several forms: taxi dancers, who are paid or given complimentary entrance/discounts to an event in exchange for social dancing; fundraiser dances, where pro’s are ‘tipped’ for a minute of social dance time and profits are donated to charity; dancer ‘rentals,’ where a high-level dancer is…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    10 things to (almost) never say on the dance floor

    July 18, 2017 - By 

    Most of us don’t do much talking while we dance. But, social dancing does require at least some verbal communication. In this list, we cover 10 things you should avoid saying to your dance partners. 1. “This is how you do ______.” Except for very limited circumstances, stopping a dance to explain a concept to your partner is inappropriate. Even if you are a teacher who knows what you’re saying is true, it’s still almost always inappropriate. Avoid floor teaching wherever possible and you’ll improve the dance experience for everyone involved!. 2. “Oh baby… you’re so sexy in my arms.”…

  • Dance Discussions - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Why a ‘deep connection’ is sometimes seen as ‘sexual’

    July 13, 2017 - By 

    Some dance styles, like Kizomba, Brazilian Zouk, or Bachata, use a very close connection between the partners. These dances are often described as ‘sensual’ dances. For a few, they describe these dances as ‘sexual’. I understand why some people see it as sexual. Not too long ago, I was dancing with a lead who had a very intimate-feeling connection. It was intimate enough that I had to take a minute and decide whether or not he was asking for just a dance, or something more. This is after I’ve been dancing ‘sensual’ styles for over 7 years.  In this situation, the…

  • Etiquette - Social Dancing

    Why a kind ‘No’ is (usually) important

    June 6, 2017 - By 

    It’s been a while since I got a very hard, blunt ‘No’ from a dancer. This weekend, I got to re-experience one when I moved outside my normal genres. I approached a guy who was sitting next to the dance floor. I asked him to dance. He looked me dead in the eye and said “no.” Which is fine; he doesn’t owe me a dance. And, I have no reason to need an explanation for the ‘no’. But, the manner of this particular ‘no’ actually made me think it was sarcastic at first. He looked me dead in the eye with a scowl…

  • Etiquette

    A Guide for Dancers Commenting on Online Posts

    May 15, 2017 - By 

    I have a problem: I am far too easily attracted to online debates. My frequent desire to leave long comments is part of why I started this blog. On a whole, blogging tends to be a much more constructive alternative to random commenting. That’s not to say online comments can’t be constructive – they can. If we are able to keep things on the right track. This guide is by no means exhaustive, but it is a list of best-practices I try to use when interacting with other dancers on online forums. 1. People will see what you post If you don’t want all your…

  • Beginner-Friendly - Etiquette - Social Dancing

    The Cologne Problem

    May 10, 2017 - By 

    Recently, a gracious leader asked me to dance. We got into close hold, and the connection was lovely. But, within 3 seconds in close hold, I had to walk away from the dance. He was wearing so much cologne that I could feel my throat swelling and eyes start to water. So, after a few moment, I pulled away from the embrace and told him the problem that I was having. It felt terrible to leave the dance, but for my health, I had to. As someone with a sensitive respiratory system, heavy scents can ruin a night for me. This is ironic, since…