All about the "Social" part of Dancing
The vast majority of us are not social dancing for the sex, but a lot of us have had at least one crush on a fellow dancer. When I say crush, I mean an actual, romantic crush. I do not mean a dance crush, where you absolutely adore the person as a dancer – but without the romantic attraction. I mean you actually want to explore more of a romantic connection with that person.
We all know that teaching on the dance floor is not a nice thing to do. But, what about asking your partner to change a particular thing when they do something you don’t like during a social dance?
Dear Beginner, I’m so happy you decided to social dance. I’m so happy that you’ve decided that this magnificent world has caught your interest – and I hope it holds it. You’re going to meet many, many amazing people, have fantastic nights, and perhaps even travel to unbelievable events. But you’re also going to be told ‘No’.
How do we know if someone wants to dance? Luckily for us, there are a few behaviors that are dead giveaways that someone is looking to dance. This doesn’t necessarily guarantee that they’ll say yes – but it certainly improves the odds!
Have you ever written an essay? Maybe in high school, university, or college? I have. I have never gotten 100% on an essay. I did get a 95% once in the 8 years of post-secondary schooling that I’ve done. Once. On a topic I loved. It never happened again. I am pretty sure you didn’t automatically assume that I am a poor student or writer. This is probably because it seems reasonable to you that I’ve never had a ‘perfect’ score on an essay. Even if I got 75% regularly, you probably would still think I was a pretty O.K. student.
I wrote an article a few days ago on being a generous dancer, and there was a question that came out of that post from several people: does being a generous dancer mean I have to dance with everyone? No, it doesn’t.
At around 4 a.m. after a Saturday full of dancing, I had quite a memorable conversation with a dancer who had experienced a dance that they were hoping would go very right, but ended up leaving a negatively-tinged aftertaste because they and their partner weren’t on the same mental wavelength. It could have been one person not particularly being into the dance. It could also have been mental distress from a crowded floor, fatigue, or some sort of discomfort with the partner’s style.
I love social dancing. I love the variety, I love the musicality, I love the connection. I love being challenged by new movements. Usually. Every once in a while, it seems there arises some sort of new move that has managed to crawl its way out of the list-of-things-that-should-never-be-done onto the list of things-some-leads-absolutely-love. The good intentions are certainly there, but oh-my-gawd some of these moves just…
I’ve talked a lot in my blog about ‘connection’. It is such an integral part of dance, but very hard to understand for a large amount of people. In my experience with students, they often fall into two categories: The ones who already understand these things – naturally or through education; and, The ones who don’t.
So, you’re new to the dance world. Or trying a new style. You’ve heard about this mythical thing called ‘social dancing’. That is, dancing with random people you probably don’t know. In front of other people. In a style you’re not very familiar with. Sound terrifying? If it does, you’re not alone. One of the hardest things to do within dance is taking that first plunge into the realm of socials. What if you forget your moves? What if you can’t find the beat? What if that really good dancer thinks you suck?
I’ve gotten a few questions recently about a past article. Most of them centered around this general concept: “I just don’t want to take more classes. I know I’m not fantastic, but I enjoy learning patterns more than technique and just want to dance socially. What’s wrong with that?” I never advocate everyone needing to aim to be an advanced dancer – and I’ve said so before. If someone just want to learn basic patterns and have a nice social time, all the power to them! That’s great!
Being a social dancer is a fantastic thing. It means that you feel, deep in your core, a desire to connect with other human beings. It means you have a desire to be empathetic, caring, and in tune with the energy around you. We desire to create, channeling our energy into a beautiful experience that is always present and never replicated in any other place. And, unlike many things, we choose to create these magical experiences with a partner.
Connection. We sigh and yearn for that dance partner that makes us feel amazing. The way that they hold their partner is simply magical, transporting you to a whole other realm of being. It’s a magic spell that lasts for a song – or maybe more – and leaves a smile on your face the rest of the evening. …But yet, it is so hard to capture.
We’ve talked about whether you always need to say ‘yes’ to a dance. We’ve talked about what happens when someone says ‘no.’ But…
Part 1: Are you obligated to say yes to every dance? We talked last week about how no one is obligated to say ‘Yes’ to a dance… but what happens when someone says ‘No’ to you?